Monday I’ll kill myself, no more delay( a suicidal note).

Tuesday.

Today is Tuesday.  It’s 9 AM.

I made a radical decision.

I’ll put an end to my boring life.

Too many problems, too much frustration

and almost no rewards.

I am a loser, I have to admit.

But how do I kill myself?

It cannot be anything bloody.

I don’t own a gun.

A knife is out of the question; it falls into

the blood category.

Jumping from a window would be great if I didn’t live on the

first floor.

Car accident?

No.

Cross US 1 at 6 PM with my eyes closed?

No.

I know what I’ll do.

I’ll hang myself.

It’s fast, effective and a little romantic, at least to me.

But I don’t have any rope.

I’ll buy some tomorrow. I’ll kill myself tomorrow.

Wednesday.

It is 6 PM and I haven’t killed myself yet.

I bought some rope, found the perfect spot in the house,

wrote a suicide note, had my hair cut,

cleaned and trimmed my nails,

and paid all my bills. But something unexpected happened.

My grandmother called and told me that tomorrow morning,

she’s coming over to make breakfast for me.

I don’t want her to find me dead. She’d have a heart attack.

That just wouldn’t be fair.

I’ll have to put my suicide off.

I’ll kill myself Thursday night.

Thursday.

My grandmother just left. She prepared a great breakfast

for me.

It got me thinking back to when I was a happy little kid.

I had a great childhood. Lots of love, lots of fun.

It was when I got to high school that everything

started going wrong.

From then on, my life was miserable.

Just thinking about that depresses me.

I am so down, so sad.

I don’t have the energy to kill myself right now.

I’ll do it tomorrow. Definitely.

Friday

For some reason I woke up happy today.

Well, happy is not exactly the word.

It’s more like energetic.

I feel like a walk in the park, getting out, communing with

nature, seeing people and even getting some exercise.

If this feeling lasts until the end of the day, I’ll have

to kill myself on Saturday.

There is no point of dying when you are happy.

It’ll be Saturday, for sure.

No more delays.

Saturday

Today is the finals game, basketball season.

The LA Lakers vs. Orlando Magic .

I don’t know how I could have forgotten.

If there were only one reason for me to live,

it would be basketball.

I just love it.

I went to all the Heat games this season, here in Miami

and all over the country.

I am neither a Lakers nor an Orlando fan, but if I missed

the finals it would be kind of weird.

I am crazy about basketball.

I watched all the games, all the programs,

all the interviews.

I even have a bunch of autographs and pictures

of all the players.

I’ll consider watching this game my last wish. No guilt.

Eternal life can wait for me.

And then Sunday I’ll kill myself.

Sunday

I was eating my last meal and proofreading my farewell note

when I remembered that my family was coming to town today.

They arrive at 8 this morning.

They’re bringing me a Heat shirt with the number three

on the back.

Number three is for Dwayne Wade, my favorite player.

We are going to church, and afterwards we’ll have

a family lunch.

My mom wants me to watch the new Oliver Stone movie with her

later in the afternoon.

It’s called W.

I’ll be back home by early evening.

I don’t feel comfortable killing myself after dark, though.

I think that if one has to die, it should be in the daytime,

with sunlight.

I know it’s a little superstitious, but I’m afraid that

if I die at night I’ll go to hell.

I don’t want that to happen.

The whole reason I want to die is to put an end to my hell,

the hell that is my life.  Hell sucks.

I’d like to spend eternity in purgatory, at least.

That’s why I’ll kill myself on Monday for sure.

Monday is the perfect day to start a whole new life.

Monday and that’s it. I give you my word.

READ ALSO : MY NAME IS GOD. https://befree2bfree.wordpress.com

ART BY  NEWTON BENTO

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Antonio Costa Neto is freelancer writer and has worked in some of the most important ad agencies in Brazil and the United States. He now lives in Miami where he owns and operates a marketing consultant company. Throughout his career in advertising, he has won top international awards in the Cannes, London and New York festivals, as well as in the Clio Awards and many Latin American festivals. Antonio Costa Neto has written numerous plays and screen plays in Brazil.
Womb Wrecker Syndrome is his second book. Antonio holds a BA in philosophy and sociology from Universidade Federal do Rio Grande do Sul.

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